it's very near....

it is really very near...
it is breathless
why such feeling keep on pushing on me
i don't like the feeling
just like a machine keep on pushing a sponge
it's very suffer
but then
i ask myself
is it really that suffer
tanent,
now you get your dream
the top public university in Malaysia
what you expect for?
still not satisfy?
tell me what you not satisfy?
i really blank
no matter
my face show how happy
how confident
my heart
my inner body
is actually full of nervous
fear...even i feel useless
did i choose the correct one?
is it my fault to choose this?
god,
if you really can hear from me..
can you give me a true direction?
i lost it suddenly...
now i like at the middle deep sea
i am not decisive anymore
i almost want to give up
why?
why my inner heart is so unstable...
so scare?
is it i really don't have the ability to face the challenge in university?
or is it i miss my family?
or this is really not my interest?
when too many people asking me
why
why
why
i start panic
what should i answer?
i can't answer
it is so bad
i have studied this subject for one year
why i so blur
i can handle this subject quite well in matrix
why i like know nothing
please
come back here
tanent
you must stand up
must not give up
must believe in god
and always remember the song the climb!!!!
the lyrics is very meaningful..
thank you...my friend...
tomorrow is the time...now
still left several hours?
is it so scary?
i really don't know
many people will study until crazy at university?
i hope i will not be the one of them
i must control my emotion..
it's a must!!!!
tanent..believe me!!!
you can!!!
with parents
with peggie
with friends
with everybody
thanks for support me!!!
i will do it well...
your energy is in my hand now...
I ill use it to function my brain....
business course!!!
i can excel you...i want to be
a first class honour degree of business administration graduate!!!

speaking...MUET?no...many else

at matrix
i have to face MUET exam
part of it is speaking
speaking is actually my strong part
since i am small
i am public speaking representative
then i do speak a lot
until everyone call me as a talkative guy
but
lastly
i can't even grab her heart
she realise our topic lesser and lesser
but problem is
i didn't realise at all
i still feel i got a lot to tell her
but why she feel that?
just because of today problem?
i go to school today
to have a meet with teachers
until afternoon
when back
i really tired
then unconsciously
i fall asleep
then suddenly my friend find me go jogging
at night
suppose very free
but suddenly realise rooms for tomorrow trip is fully book
so have to find another hotel
this is not my personal problem
i have to solve
actually i told her all these
but finally make her feel no topic to chat
well
i feel guilty
why i failed in love?
i can't even give her basic confidence
but
Peggie
believe me
i will try to enhance
our relationship...
actually more problems
i will have more attempts to try
no failure no success
i always believe...

get something..lost something

just now go out have a tea
this is very normal
we play a lot
we talk a lot
but i start have my personality back
which is my jealous
i like to jealous actually
never change this bad habit
pacy say that
usm hostel
one room two people
the environment is very nice
and i start to worry
how about my future university
now i don't know what will i get
everyday i keep on log in that website
just to want to know i get what
but i really get into mu
the situation is exactly different
very opposite from usm
bad hostel
old design
bad surrounding
bad air
bad temperature
but it just have a name
university Malaya
one university that my parents always recognise as the best in malaysia
instead its name drop a lot
nobody know why
everyone also don't want to investigate more
because this might not be a good sign
anyway
this Friday
i will know
my hostel is which one
haha
um hostel really
can't describe by words...

他的骚扰。。

her ex boy friend disturb her
keep on message
keep on calling
i don't know why
he is a bad guy
consider
Peggie told me
he is something like samseng
actually last time i don't understand why
Peggie will fall in love with him
is it too lonely
or sungai siput(U) really too boring?
net friend
i never believe
just simple online friend
i can't accept
now my feeling is jealous and complicated
i wonder
if one day
even next second
she tell me
she decided to go back his side
what will i do?
cry?
sad?
or just peaceful?
this world is very weird
love also got many types
friend love
couple love
family love
even economy love
teacher and student love
but different love
have different feeling
only couple love is the one
which can make somebody change
make him or her
got sweet feeling
but sometimes a very very down feeling
all these will affect a person
i got think before
i will never get the couple love
well
get it
is a faith
a disturbance from his ex boyfriend
i believe
will make us more close
as it is a chemical to move our love machine...

planning-study+love

today
peggie suddenly tell me
she want planning
well
this will not be strange to me
because we really need good planning
planning of the combination of love and study
basically i got no objection
but i got some questions
is it bad thing or good?
what kind of planning?
i should consider about what?
today at cameron
my dad keep on telling me
how to choose girl friend
the thing he scare actually
forward and backward
it's all about money
he scare i being cheated
even he scare i need to take care my wife family somomore
he said
when salary only enough for my own family
i still have to spend money for my wife parents even her siblings
then how?
so he call me to find a girl
not really rich
but at least is able to ensure the family can live
without my contribution
this kind of thing
i really don't know what to answer
my family actually facing the problem
that's why my dad want me to think about it
money money money
why love must relate with money?>
everything also money
under such condition
where can i get the confidence to get couple!!!!

love is? accept or change?

i just listen some advice from my friend
i don't know it is true or not
but i thinking about it now
he got notice
me and my girlfriend
keep on changing each other
i always try to change
my habit
my behaviour
my character
she also keep on changing everything
for this relationship
my friend ask me why
i start panic
because my brain is blank
this question suddenly
hit my heart
a question
why should i change
why should she change
actually since very beginning
we should think
can we accept each other
not only at specific part
from appearance
then behaviour habit
positive thing
negative thing
all!!!
not like now
yesterday she ask me
how to be my dream girlfriend
she don't understand
actually i just want the original her
not another her
who is trying to change all
just because of me
we are human being
we cannot be perfect
love
being couple
we should understand out partner
we have to accept
have to be patient
your partner is being chosen by yourself
you love her
then only you choose her
so never want her change
as well as make sure she also can accept you
only acceptation can ensure a long lasting relationship
because
without acceptation
quarrel
unhappy
sadness
all these will follow
then it is very easy for a couple to break
bond between couple is very strong
but don't be the one who make the bond
become weaker and weaker....

good planning doesn't mean good result

we now plan all for the trip
where to go
where to live
how to go
all these suppose
an adult like me
should can handle
looks like
i always lacks of confidence
sincerely
i very nervous
these two days
i keep on sweating
for the trip
this is a very easy job
four person take train
then travel
why i can be so nervous?
i can't find an answer
is it because i too depend on family
is it because i really can't have a night outside
is it because luxury at home have lock me
is it because i scare my parent s worry or disappointed
why i got so many question in my mind
if i really can't make a simple decision
how i want to be a leader
a boss
a family head
a father
a son
even
as a student
and now coming
some more a university student
am i ready for that?
it's showtime
prove that you can do this simple job first..

heaven or devil?

jpa...
a very common name among all students
a very competitive thing among all straight A's students
now this problem fall on my girlfriend
she tell me
she didn't get jpa scholarship after appeal
should i sad?
should i happy?
well
i not so clear
because i got plenty feeling now
i happy because she got high chance to be same university with me
i happy because she still in Malaysia
i happy because she is studying matriculation which i think is a very good choice
i unhappy
because my thinking is selfish
i unhappy because i know she and her family also unhappy
they still think that get good result should get jpa
instead i have the same thinking last time
but now
my happy more than my unhappy
i understand her feeling
suppose to get
but finally empty
she get hurt much recently
first back from Japan
then can't get matrix
study form six
get physic stream(luckily now OK)
finally jpa lost
everything like wave non stop pushing towards her
i should help her
i just hope she can study matrix well
because with this
she sure can go for local university
although can't get oversea
i hope she will appreciate..
sincerely
dear..sorry for my selfish