lonely=alone=feeling

today alone watch le chipmunk..
really funny
alone is very weird
actually i hate that
i not dare to laugh although it is funny
until the women beside me start to laugh
sometimes i thinking
alone is good?
alone can do everything
without consider a lot?
alone can shout everywhere
without care about others feeling?
alone can go fitting room try a lot of shirts
but didn't buy any at last?
recently getting close with one gang of seniors..
crazy and funny guys..
always go everywhere in kl with motorcyle
that day also go pavilion..
thanks them for fulfill my dream for over one sem..
haha..
that day go to melaka to have christmas celebration with them
this is a less than 24 hours trip...
reach there around seven..
have sate celok..
then we go to portuegese village
many house is being decorated so beautiful..
we buy some snow spray..
spray around
getting very excited..
really my first time..
hahaha..white christmas..
but late night..
we sit at jetty and have chat..
sitting there
listening to the wave and the feeling of christmas.
really peaceful..
really thank for giving a chance to spend time there...
the next day we go to jonker street
have chicken rice and nyonya chendol...nice=)
then go to mahkota parade a while..
back kl le..
afetr that
back kl..
have kfc!!!
third time le...my god...
recently kfc like my second home...

the real failure

do you know what is real failure?
a real failure is people treat you as the top
but instead you are the poorest and nothing
internal failure
dislike such feeling
dislike being the lowest
dislike the feeling of guilty
because seems like it's all my fault
being studying nothing
being enjoying
lastly the only thing
that know is i get a worst result
ya...
now i regret
very regret
when more people asking the same question
and i answering the same answer
the people will show the same face and appearance..
useless already a signboard for me
got one senior saying that
we should never satisfy with any average result
but i already done...
the only thing can do is...
forget and accept
changes and adapt....


life is ranking

without ranking..
you are the one being looked down
without ranking
everything seems wrong
without ranking
that;s no competition
without ranking
that's no suffering....

幸福可以很简单

我的爸妈

幸福真的很内在
不是你说 “你好幸福哦，看起来”
假如幸福是那么简单，我想
我是幸福的
爸妈的恩爱
有时还真让我羡慕
妈妈的坏脾气
只有爸爸能体谅
虽然我那么多年来我并没对妈咪发过很大很大的脾气
可能有的是偶尔的闷气
我真的很希望我的恋情
也是有着双方体谅的存在
有着一个双方该有的空间





手指的牵引





双手的交接




双手是幸福的一部分
一段恋情的幸福开始
无论
那是介于指逢或掌心
暖暖的感觉
就像冬天在暖炉旁的互相加持
幸福
本来就是自己的争取
自己的挖掘
但是时间
却在幸福间
划下了界线
有人幸福
有人愁。。。。。

1220

20 december is my mom birthday..but also
this year
one of my best fren is going to move to taiping
she no longer stay at ss
we study together since kindergarten
until pre university
only we seperate
she live near my house
once i back ss
she is one of the target to fill up my free slot
hahaha
but now...
she no longer here
today having a great day with our gang fren...incude her..
hahahahaha..saying like she is going to ( )
choi~~~
just wanna say good luck to her
hope we still gt chnace come out rock together~~~


sha po wishe teoh^^

歌乐

原来
最近的我真的在空虚期
不懂自己为什么
突然笑得很开心
不能停止
也突然停下来
觉得很不开心
我最近不停的写歌
我不曾想过我的作品会被认同
一切只不过是一时的即兴
算不上什么佳品
来说
家主
想起爸爸的一切。。。。想起第一次爸教我的东西
想起每次晚上他说的道理
另一首歌
海域
是我看着从金沙酒店望出的海景
我的感觉很深
很想用歌曲把它表达出来
一首比较轻松的歌曲
最后一首歌
CARE
这首歌
讲的是对爱情的一种承诺
一种信任
写的时候其实脑里一片空白
百思莫解

H a T e

it should come to an end
i really make it suffer for a long time
why i couldn't make a decision
why i will consider a lot
i care too much
and i feel i really got no idea what i should do
somebody say hate is the best solution
but if possible i also don't want any hate occur to me
please~~
i could be the angel
but it will just appear more misunderstanding
i start feeling friends after partner is difficult
even it's weird
now the situation is
left walk near is sea right walk near is volcano
either one may cause suffer
what is friends?
concern?
passion?
care?
non stop communication?
when u are getting blur~~~
my gosh
it's going to have a decision
if not
like my friend said
a rubber band can be pulled as long as possible
but why not cut it rudely
to prevent it to get longer and longer till break it itself?

worthy 5 hours

spend of five hours
i finally settle the thing
finally understand why she do like that..
finally can get an answer
finally everything is over
first of all..
i really got do wrong
i appologize...
and she also say sorry to me
for what she do wrong
it seems like an ending
but i think it's a good start
at least she can have a new life
for now
maybe she still in sad mood
need time to walk out from it
but at least i've give her an answer
reduce her suffer
what i can speak and do
i already try my best
an under control guy speaking ><

80

the world got many 80
80 shirts
80 dollars
80 years old
80 kg
but today i receive 80 message at the same time
she send back all the message i send to her before
got sweet
got scold
got not syok
maybe like that she will more happy...
but when i read back the message..
i start to think
certain message is very negative
i dun know she save it is for?
i really dun know what am i feeling now?
everytime feel messy
i will write it out
maybe i really treat blog as a place for me to shout all wat i think
childish?
is she childish?
passion?
is she too passion in love?
or selfish?
i slefish?
irresponsible?
i irresponsible in love?
i got no idea...
the phone keep ringing
the message i get i hope can keep for good memory
but when i realize
there are a lot of bad message
i start thinking
all the couple memory
mostly are negative....
well..
when she say she will not couple anymore
enough make me guilty...

世界

可否想过
世界其实很简单。。
那么到底是什么令到我们越来越复杂呢？
这个问题我想我身边的人都有想过吧
所以到最后
其实
问题就在于
思想
人类最大的能力就是有脑力
无论什么事情
我们都会想办法去解决
但是
往往经历得越多
就会想更多，
这一切其实都在讲着人类的变迁
偶尔我只不过是看着一块饼干
我就会想
饼干对我的意义有多重？
其实那只不过是充饥的一环。
可是我就会想其实它是某群人的生命
饼干制造商
饥饿难民
弱小动物
但是这一切在我的身边应该不算大事
那是什么令我想那么多呢
寻找答案中。。。。。。

keep going life

if u say life is like a game..
then it should be x game..
because really very challenging
if u say life is like the sky..
then it should be very big and blue
because we really got a lot to see, a lot to feel
if u say life is like a computer..
then it should be a very complicated datafile
because human always think a lot
if you say life is a recycle paper
then it should be very valuable
because we are recycling our experience and knwoledge
if someone can continue this pessage..
then that must be somebody concern
because you are reading my blog...

calming period

recently moody and emotional..
i can be very happy..
but just within seconds i can be angry or sad
haha
don't know what i want...
just feel very empty..
no direction..
blur...
study also energy can't up...
stting in a big library
attention is not on the notes
but in on peoples
seein what peole do...
why ya?
am i changing?
this is not the tanent i know
last time he suppose can concentrate when exam near
i dun knw why when i at uni
exam seems not so important compare to matrix...
but i still tension..
that kin of tension is internal
very horrible
until sometimes really need to shout out
i can see when i post my feelin on fb
everyone seems to be very surprise
as well as peggy
my frens my mom..
is this call *before exam too worry disease*?
well..i really no idea..
i have passed th evil day last time matrix
i dun want any repeat..please..away...

数到五答应我

还记得我们这对小情侣
还挺奇怪的
去到k房去拍拖
寻寻觅觅中
很想唱那首歌给她听
曹格的-数到五答应我
那首歌真的听百遍也不会觉得腻。
只是知道
当我常给她听时
她那感动，水汪汪的眼睛真的很吸引
可是这都是回忆了
每当我想读书时
我就会打开这首音乐
可是现在听回
泪也不经意的流下
虽然知道必须振作
但我需要的是时间吧
可以的话
我都不想在
我的兄弟朋友面前滴下
不想他们担心
这几天
真的很谢谢你们的信息
谢谢你们尽力的弄我开心
谢谢陪我聊天读书至通宵
谢谢你们
谢谢佩静，你已经做得很好。

without her

在2009年的四月，在某次噢然之下，我重新认识了她，
那时的我因为喜欢的人有了伴侣而觉得沮丧，
也不懂为什么在电话簿里发现了她的电话号码，
其实我们真的很少联络，可是她们这班学弟学妹当中，
我就只有她的电话号码，很巧吧？我不由自主地开始传信息给他，
他真的很健谈，我们分享了很多，真的很谢谢她陪我度过了那段时间，
而我也因为如此，成功地把之前的她给忘记了。

可能是上天的安排，他突然间也有感情的问题，
我也不懂为什么十分想帮她解决问题，可能是惺惺相惜吧。
就这样我们晚上开始打了第一通电话，我们谈了很多很多。
回想起的确是真实的，慢慢的，我们的关系似乎越来越好，
我开始了暧昧的生活，双方不再寂寞。

2009年的五月，我乘搭火车到吉隆坡去找朋友，在路途中，
他问过我，她说她在家里很闷，想和我一起去，其实我也很想和她去，
但是看来她妈妈是不会允许的。在那短短的两个小时里，
我们很坦诚的说出双方的感觉，他问我为什么会爱上她，
我的脑海里只闪出感觉这两个字，的确我清楚知道我爱上了这女孩。

在那次的旅行中，我到了芙蓉去找聪少，那里是一个小市镇，
说有人都是用摩托，我朋友也是，他带我去兜风，
甚至到晚上也骑车到海边去，在摩托上，电话响了，
原来是她打来，她说她很担心我晚上坐摩托，那一刻的我，
像一个小男孩，傻傻的对她说不用担心，
而她也一样害羞的挂了电话，我真的很享受这种有人关心的感觉。

过后，在某个晚上，她终于说了一句话，
他希望我会主动和她表白，不想一直拖，
我也明了我真的是一个非常不浪漫的人，
喜欢一个人总是不主动和她说清楚，为了不要后悔，
我约了她第一次约会，我到女人街买了一条心形的手链，
准备送给她作为定情信物，到了约会第一天，帮她带时，
竟然弄断了，想起都觉得可笑。
不过最后都是唱了我自己的创作而感动了她。
在5月9日，我们正式的在一起了。

我们订了许多的承诺，可是在一起时，问题也慢慢的一点一点地呈现。
从想法到远距离，我们的确没有一个好的基础。
才开始没有一个月，我们一人在吉隆坡，另一人则在马六甲，
这样的远距离爱情是在对我们俩是一个重大的挑战。
开始的我们一直都认为，这一切是能够轻易地解决的，
但不难发现，这是一个大问题。

在我进入马大以后，生活不再停歇，
每一天的时间都以忙碌来填满，
吴润是戏剧到舞蹈甚至是课业上的所有活动都令我喘不过气来，
我开始没有办法花更多的时间在这段感情上了，
有时想起真的觉得自己很自私，没有对这段爱情付出过。
但是明白事理的她，从来没有偷书我没有时间陪她，
反而一直不停的默默支持我。我的却很感动，
因为好的女友真的不容易找，而上天很好的让它成为我的第一任女友。

但是，现实的确是现实，我是一个独生子，
从小爸妈都对我宠爱有加，当身边出现伴侣时，
妈妈都会特别留意，爸爸也对我说这的确会成为我这段感情的一大负担，
这一切我都很清楚，我知道妈妈的却不希望我在这个时候拍拖。
爸爸说的其实也没有错的，现在真的不是一个好时间，
佩静在攻读大学预科班，这是一个非常重要的一年，
因为这决定他大学和科系，同样的，
在大学我必须要专心和努力地完成我的学士学位，
我有一个自私的愿望，就是保持对她的感情，
在三年后加入假如我成功毕业，我会再次的她出这一步。

说到这里，其实今天是我们得分手日，
分手虽然痛苦，因为我觉得还是挺戏剧化的，
第一次从马大第八宿舍泪流满面，默默地走下山，
直到遇到了的士才黯然的手感我的眼泪，
也是第一翅觉得心里很不好受的伤心，
那种会令你不懂为何不由自主留下眼泪的感觉真的不好受，
佩静说我有点自私，但是我知道他和我都明白这自私到底是为什么。

如今，虽然我们已经不再是昔日的男女朋友，
但反而提供了一个自由的平台，让我们能够坦诚相对，
假如有人问我这样好吗？我的答案将会是，
这是我的选择，为了未来的选择。加油！陈佩静！

link

i heard she cry
in the middle of the night
i can't stand le
i also cry le..these days occur too many things
i know we both can't accept
i love you peggy
u also love me...but why?
everything is not the same...
i also dun know how...
what about now?
sorry sorry..
without everything
sleep le...

round point

兜兜转转
原来问题在我身上
最近经常埋怨
为什么他们能谈这么多
虽然一直很不看好他们这段爱情
甚至我讨厌看到他们打情骂俏
常和朋友投诉他们实在太过分
过马路听电话
开会前听电话
电话不离手
但是我呢？
原来我一直忽略了她
从信息到通电，
我都给他一种不甘愿
被逼的感觉
当她说这是你的问题
我真的是恍然大悟
原来问题一直在我身上
她说过我经常写网记时
都是不开心的
对，她说得对
她说她不介意
但不绝对感觉得到他很不开心
当我和朋友说话时
我会不传信息给他
因为觉得要对朋友尊重
但原来我已经失去对他的尊重了
我必须承认她说得对
原来一直只以为是的我
对朋友好过对女友
刚刚的无言
足以代表一切了。
半年了
你醒了吗？

donation drive^^

today wake up at 530
the car reach here at 645
i should be angry
but i didn't
also dun dare
initially think that many people
but reach there
just several people at bus stop
disappointed
then follow the marketing head car
reach the connaugt garden
finally know what is money hard to go
when people find me donate
i'll think of it
now i go find people donate
only know how suffer is the people who call people donate
haha
i get 127 dollar at last
got ten dollar is belongs to my cousin
i met her today
some more need to say
i'm the only first year who go this donation drive
haha
peggy say i like nothing to tell her in phone
i dun know why she feel that
but i am that kind of person in phone
need long time to create feeling to talk
but long time like that
i know she sure will think i purposely do that
well
everything can be fine with her
i got confidence
because her level of understanding is high!!!
hehe..

ya...more obstacles

yesterday go dinner with drama teachers at new paris
new paris..haha..i think wrongly
then many funny things occur
lol...no eye see
teachers say a lot jobs available
ask us want to act or not
especially when miss yumico ask us wanna
take short video for newway karaoke or not
the advertisement will be played at malaysia and also hong kong
gosh
tanent who always have star dream
listen hong kong only
eye also big bit
but keep quiet only
because really shy
i don't know how to say
then part time actor..
wah...my dream..
but i can't...
i knew it..
i have to walk my road
but how?
it's hard now...
when reach hostel, mei xin say one long sentence,
i don't know why you want to study business.
something that no need study also can
study is useless
learn nothing
after i listen to it...i feel dam speechless
i lost my determination
i really wanna reply
ya..you are right
gosh
then today my parents to kl..
i told them about acting thing
my mom just saying study well please
i know this is my path
but why i face moodless
why no courage to continue
why?
question marks is my emotion now.....

not well...weird body

until know
i not feeling well..
seems like body got a place got problem..
but i dun know where got problem..
just now message peggy
she say i recently really busy lots...
i start thinking
maybe i really always meeting
study group
accompany parents all that
i neglect her le
i didn't blame her for not understand me
because i know is my problem
just now she say she got private thing to busy..
i dun know is real or not..
but i choose to trust her
we say before we will not lie each other..
i believe she won't...
but i also thinking is it she also wanna let me know
when your couple busy what is your feeling..
anyway..
hope o it is not a big deal...
btw...
body ah body..can u tell u tell me what happen to u
i really feel u are weird
headache
bit dizzy all that
seems like abnormal..
god..please bless me
i hope i'll be ok....
thank god..
amitaoba..

lost of direction...

this time really "cham cham cham" lo...
what i want?
tell me tell me!!!!
tanent, you are useless..
i really dun want people to worry me
i dun like wat i study now
i just want to have activity
have performance
have fun
enjoy
but everyone also want ah..
who don't want?
u study so hard since primary
just wanna enter um get an degree
now u say u want to give up?
but why?
i;m that kind of person
easily affected
listen something will change mind dam easy
mei xin say study business is useless
business is something no need study
is she right?
i dun know
but my mind already get the signal
and say ya she is right
i am like that
from that day i come um
i join this drama
i don't know is correct or not
now i got great interest in acting
but seems like i lost interest in study
i open the book i will ask
are u sure u want to study?
but peggy say something to me
i keep advising her to study well
important to get good result
to get get good uni
but she ask me back
why i never think of myself
do you study before?
ask yourself...
activity drama all that
u spend how much time?
now u say u can't cope with study
it's your own fault
u can't handle your study
why u want to join so much?
never think before?
never think rationally?
just think for fun?
tanent, u need to clarify
what you want?
dun simply give up,
must study and continue till the last moment
i know u are going to give up
but i hope u really won't..
now is who talking to who..
i also dun know..
god...give me some hint

sorry my frens....

to my good buddy and friends...
i not purpoesly not spend time with you all...
not purposely dun go movie with you all..
but now really different..
hoilday really short...
i join a lot of activities
my mom sick d...
i really hope to spend most with mom...
now i not single anymore
need to accompany gf...
but reach certain phase
i'm sure you all will be alike me
just maybe i start first
and please dun worry about pregnancy
our friend do such thing
but i swear...
i won't
i know what i am doing now...
anyway next time back go movie with you all....
i always fair de...dun worry
haha...take care everybody...

how!!!!!!

why no one bother me? why? i feel suffer...
i really dun know wat to do...
please anyone can give me a road to walk?
i really feel frustrated...
when early time
they always wish to see me to have a gf
but why?
now if pound somebody i like
why want to stop me...
why want to ignore me?
mom...you not respect me at all..
i just asking can let ehr go ipoh or not
why
u say messy?
u say dun disturb you....
i am hurt...
this is the girl i like...
why no one accept her
i very suffer ah....
can release me?
i can't stand le...
dad also ignoire...
just now he say peggy is my classmate or friend
that's all...
what can i do?
i really lost all my confidence...
i never expect more than that le...
total upset...
don't bother me anymore...!!!

mix feeling

recently really like everything also feel not good
not my cup of tea
feeling everything is going wrong
i also don't know why I'll think like that
i try to mix less with Neo they all
even accounting friends...
i know we are different
this is a reality that we can't avoid forever
what they join what they talk is totally not my side
i start to lost topic with them
i don't know why i will think so frustrated
i start to hate myself
haiz haiz haiz
in faculty i can't cope with most of the subject
i start to give up
actually i really not time study le
but i also won't give up my interest towards performance
when the situation keep worsening
it's hard for me to survive
haiz haiz haiz
then i realise accounting student
no matter accounting club, their study, their performance also much more better than us
it is a very negative and sad thing for me
i like studying in a low quality course
haiz...why why?
i really don't understand..
then for ptum..
ya..i do remember i promise will practise as hard as possible although I'm a minor character
but this really too minor
i sit more than act
it is boring
i start to feel boring
haiz...
some more now take my whole raya holiday
no more family no more friends
some more no more time for peggy
it's very suffer
who can tell me what to do
haiz
i hope everyone can forgive me
i really very tension now
everything is blur
how to face final?
i don't know....
tanent,your destiny at um
you must face it toughly ah...

everything is coming...

university life is fulfill with assignments projects and activities
it seems like a traditional for me
i am always active
and it seems like i join something that is not related to my career
this is call life i think
holiday already
but i just sit there
doing nothing
Friends told me statistic need exam till chapter seven after holiday
i start to panic
why thins come so fats
i need breathe
but at the same time i didn't regret one thing
that is i joined ptum
i am the actor inside this activity
it need a very tough training
need suffer need spend my time
but i feel my happiness there
instead of keep on study
and taking all that business projects
this is my interest
to act
to sign
to dance
to laugh
everything is so nice
when back to reality
i need to face business world
now um is like very dramatic
many people have bad hearted
we don't know ho is good
who is the devil
evil is now at everyone heart
i already start to worry
why people can become like tat...
to get something maybe for them
really need to sacrifice something
using tactic to achieve their aim
wow...
i really need to adapt
everything is changing
it is like a small society
plenty of human being
different types
next week examinations
i hope i won't failed...everyone please do your best ya...
go go go!!!

same sex? walao...and how about aiesec?

today when i back um
i have to take lrt...
my gosh...two girls
i can't imagine why they can do such thing at lrt
a public place
crowded spot
many pairs of eyes is looking at them
but hey so close
they hug each other
and lastly
they kiss
non stop
my gosh
actually i never say i will
look down or discriminate them
but at least they must understand
at public place
they should have a respect to others
since there are so many people inside
even children
really a bad culture...
then when check mail
AIESEC send me a mail
to pursue me to join
actually sincerely I'm interested with it
but seems like my schedule is full
I'm thinking how i want to spend time with it
but i really hope be one of the member
because i know i can learn a lot through this club
but again i need to choose
there are a lot of department
i don't know which one is suitable for me..
from last time till now
the thing i hate he most is decision
i hate to think
all because i lack of confident
haiz....
i hate this behaviour
a good leader or manager should know all these
but what i lack of
is a very essential aspect
i really hope i can change...take this challenge this time
i want to decide which department...

wrong start

business assignment make me can't breath...
from MIS till statistic then accounting..everything make me so tension
why i like choose the wrong road?
it is so suffer here
hostel got less people can help me in study
as seniors says
in university..
everything have to depend on yourself
no matter any challenge or difficulties
you must face it and solve it, can't avoid from it..
i start to feel the um effect..
haha..the top university in Malaysia
actually this is really a very good platform for us to grow
we start to know what is the real life that is more likely to the outer surrounding..
but i do like it very much
i told myself
in um i do not want to be the good one
but my aim is to be the best one
joining activity is one my vision
for the society outside
i aim for business club and Aiesec association
which i think this two club is good for my future...
they just prepare the route for me to have real practical on what is happening outside..
but i will consider how much commitment i can give to these two clubs
these two clubs is very busy
it need time management very well
that's why i must plan..
some more now change room already..i have to share tABLE..
it is impossible to put laptop and assignment together
it's definitely not enough space for me
haha
but this should be a good sign
at least i can concentrate on what i do..
like before when i doing homework
i feel like wish to watch movie
then msn, friendster and facebook
now?
haha...please choose one ...anyway
um challenge is all coming to me..
later when i start ptum activity
i wonder
can i sleep?
i will miss my bed very much...
see you!!!

business i week

everything is moving so fast
the business i week is over
ha ha
just come back
it's really tired
but we do enjoy a lot
learn a lot
ranging from socialise, communicate, then planning then leading
all these can be learned from this activity
as i know
the theme for this business week
is journey
this is a very symbolic word
it can be long or short journey
but how you want to spend your journey
it's depends on you...
like today we heard about
three seniors or buddy
one management one marketting then one finance
according to them
that is their specialization
but i got many question until blank
but actually sincerely i enjoy
marketing subject more now
but all these is just temporarily
because i know after one year of foundation
EVERYTHING MAY GO DIFFERENT
our business course have an profession
but definitely
it's a very hard job
because it's hard to score for those subjects
all related to finance...
to be a certified financial planner
you have to take the three necessary paper plus three years activity
then got one company
don't know what marketing company
the worker say she can earn 20000 per month
but i really lacks confident on them
then senior come tell us to write wrong info
so that they can't find us..
according to the buddy
this company if can
don't simply have any agreement with them..
wow...just because of sponsorship we have to face situation like that
but i hope everyhting gonna be fine...

how mars be attach to venus?

in this world,
i just heard about one story about couple
they are hawa and adam
believe or not..i have tothank them..
they create us...
but it seems like they didn't left any theory for us to continue their story
everyday couple have different story in their life
some may quarrel, sime may happily go for shopping
some may face money problem, distace problem..
but they also try their best to solve the problem..
maybe we can think in other aspect
in this universe
everyday every minute
they couple break
they are couple divorce
no wonder now people always choose not to marry
because they have lost the confidence
the believe in ancient time
mybe a pair of couple can tell us how sweet they are
but what have they contribute to the relationship
we wouldn't know and we will no understand forever
there are plenty method to keep a realtionship
but which one do i know"?
a very meaningful day
i can cry in smile...
i start to appreciate myself..
now in this net world
there is nothing i can't tell...
sometime i do ask myself?
what do you phobia?
no? or you don't dare to ADMIT?
actually if discover deeply,
there is everything to scare..
because our heart is not strong
heart is individUAL..IT'S NOT CONTROLED BY brain...
we do use our brain rapidly but we have to clear that
one day if heart become blur..it is very dangerous...
just like the explosion of volcano...
once explode, it's difficult to contiue using it again...
we are not always active..but we got a limit
this limit may spoil everything
but it wouldn't break the bond..

too many comes...

um life is now in progress...
everyday i feel like no direction
go class...
like today
early morning
the sky is giving us a down pour
well...
this should be normal
but just it make us moody
i also don't know what to do..
just take the bus then go down from bus
everyday same thing
repeatedly
i start thinking is it car more convenient?
but i know i wouldn't be able to handle my car at kl..
lastly i have join an activity called ptum
pesta tanglung university malaya..
this is a very grand activity
and i go audition for actor
haha
it's really funny
i remember well that the judges
say i am always in joke and humour line
well..it's still depends on personal opinion..
something certain people will feel that i am annoying
even irritating..laugh out loud...
but seems like everything is keep on going
like lecture
the MIS course told us that the poweRpoint note can't be photostat
but we can take photo on the slide
welL...
since it can be take as photo
i wonder why it can't be photostat
we copy also take the loyalty of the notes already
anyway...
this is all what we call
university rules and regulation..
one day
if somebody break the rules..
maybe we should ask the people who set the law...
what is your feelings?

mom...

曾在廣播裡听到 ,當孩子頂嘴甚至步入叛逆期時的因應之道
做媽媽的總是嘮叨 ,有一次已經高中的兒子不耐煩的頂撞了母親 , 母親氣得半死。
做父親的便約兒子一起出門散步。兩人走了好久 , 父親一路上不發一語 , 兒子納悶。 一直到要進家門口時 , 父親拍拍兒子的肩膀, 以男人對男人的語氣說 :
『等一下進去時 , 給我女人一點面子 !』
兒子驚讶於老爸用哥兒們的語氣對他說話 ,並因男人跟男人之間的義氣 , 從此對母親畢恭畢敬的。
所以 , 有的時候 , 父親這個角色還是頗重要的 !
當我的小孩頂撞我時，我想告訴他，下列的事任選一樣，做到後，才有頂撞的權利：
1. 連續3 個月每吃完一餐就須催吐 (孕吐)
2. 乳頭被別人吸到破皮達一個月 (餵奶)
3. 肚子塞一顆籃球達 10 個月 ( 懷孕)
4. 接受皮鞭抽打達 48 小時 (生小孩)
5. 10 個月不能喝冰水、咖啡、茶
6. 5個月睡覺不能翻身
7. 10 個月不能出遊遠行，不能跑跳
8. 10個月不能生病，要不，生病不能吃藥
9. 至育嬰室把屎把尿一個月
10. 晚上睡覺每二個小時起床一次，清醒30 分鐘達一個月
寫完上述
10 項，我覺得當娘的真不是人幹的。
想起一個高中同學他說：有一次頂撞母親，父親把他從椅子上踹下來，斥責他:
你媽是我捧在手心的寶，我呵護她，照顧她，對她輕聲細語，你憑什麼對他大小聲!!!
我的同學再也不敢頂撞母親了。
my god..this is so touch...

um life

the first time i get um
it is a very happy news
my life i got confident will be very happy
very excited...very enjoyable...
first week
i step into college kinabalu
this should be a good start
but in fact, is it?
i actually satisfied with the room
i got a good roommate
his name is amir
i am so glad to know him
then coming is another roommate
which i never expect to be same room with him
he is david
one of the respected senior last time secondary
i feel that i am suffering
who am i now?
i lost myself
i go no direction
everything is so blur here...
is it because i homesick?
or is because my personal behaviour problem?
i realise i was being repelled
i know nobody here
and i know the way i speak and make friends maybe is wrong
anyone can tell me
where is the ME last time
my strong part is socialise
why i lost all here
how can?
i can't accept
now i hate myself
keep on thinking negatively
that day i alone back hostel
i feel like this world is neglecting me
why everybody also wit friends
but i am alone
why?
it is unfair...
i hate this feeling...
sucks feeling'
i got think to buy cigarette from my friend
i think that can hep me calm down
i am so tension
i scare i will crazy
everything going so Moody...
the sky today is cloudy
i hate such situation
again i am alone
i hate this feeling
god...is it the challenge you give me?
but i start to be can't stand...
i know i am st
i feel i am suff

it's very near....

it is really very near...
it is breathless
why such feeling keep on pushing on me
i don't like the feeling
just like a machine keep on pushing a sponge
it's very suffer
but then
i ask myself
is it really that suffer
tanent,
now you get your dream
the top public university in Malaysia
what you expect for?
still not satisfy?
tell me what you not satisfy?
i really blank
no matter
my face show how happy
how confident
my heart
my inner body
is actually full of nervous
fear...even i feel useless
did i choose the correct one?
is it my fault to choose this?
god,
if you really can hear from me..
can you give me a true direction?
i lost it suddenly...
now i like at the middle deep sea
i am not decisive anymore
i almost want to give up
why?
why my inner heart is so unstable...
so scare?
is it i really don't have the ability to face the challenge in university?
or is it i miss my family?
or this is really not my interest?
when too many people asking me
why
why
why
i start panic
what should i answer?
i can't answer
it is so bad
i have studied this subject for one year
why i so blur
i can handle this subject quite well in matrix
why i like know nothing
please
come back here
tanent
you must stand up
must not give up
must believe in god
and always remember the song the climb!!!!
the lyrics is very meaningful..
thank you...my friend...
tomorrow is the time...now
still left several hours?
is it so scary?
i really don't know
many people will study until crazy at university?
i hope i will not be the one of them
i must control my emotion..
it's a must!!!!
tanent..believe me!!!
you can!!!
with parents
with peggie
with friends
with everybody
thanks for support me!!!
i will do it well...
your energy is in my hand now...
I ill use it to function my brain....
business course!!!
i can excel you...i want to be
a first class honour degree of business administration graduate!!!

speaking...MUET?no...many else

at matrix
i have to face MUET exam
part of it is speaking
speaking is actually my strong part
since i am small
i am public speaking representative
then i do speak a lot
until everyone call me as a talkative guy
but
lastly
i can't even grab her heart
she realise our topic lesser and lesser
but problem is
i didn't realise at all
i still feel i got a lot to tell her
but why she feel that?
just because of today problem?
i go to school today
to have a meet with teachers
until afternoon
when back
i really tired
then unconsciously
i fall asleep
then suddenly my friend find me go jogging
at night
suppose very free
but suddenly realise rooms for tomorrow trip is fully book
so have to find another hotel
this is not my personal problem
i have to solve
actually i told her all these
but finally make her feel no topic to chat
well
i feel guilty
why i failed in love?
i can't even give her basic confidence
but
Peggie
believe me
i will try to enhance
our relationship...
actually more problems
i will have more attempts to try
no failure no success
i always believe...

get something..lost something

just now go out have a tea
this is very normal
we play a lot
we talk a lot
but i start have my personality back
which is my jealous
i like to jealous actually
never change this bad habit
pacy say that
usm hostel
one room two people
the environment is very nice
and i start to worry
how about my future university
now i don't know what will i get
everyday i keep on log in that website
just to want to know i get what
but i really get into mu
the situation is exactly different
very opposite from usm
bad hostel
old design
bad surrounding
bad air
bad temperature
but it just have a name
university Malaya
one university that my parents always recognise as the best in malaysia
instead its name drop a lot
nobody know why
everyone also don't want to investigate more
because this might not be a good sign
anyway
this Friday
i will know
my hostel is which one
haha
um hostel really
can't describe by words...

他的骚扰。。

her ex boy friend disturb her
keep on message
keep on calling
i don't know why
he is a bad guy
consider
Peggie told me
he is something like samseng
actually last time i don't understand why
Peggie will fall in love with him
is it too lonely
or sungai siput(U) really too boring?
net friend
i never believe
just simple online friend
i can't accept
now my feeling is jealous and complicated
i wonder
if one day
even next second
she tell me
she decided to go back his side
what will i do?
cry?
sad?
or just peaceful?
this world is very weird
love also got many types
friend love
couple love
family love
even economy love
teacher and student love
but different love
have different feeling
only couple love is the one
which can make somebody change
make him or her
got sweet feeling
but sometimes a very very down feeling
all these will affect a person
i got think before
i will never get the couple love
well
get it
is a faith
a disturbance from his ex boyfriend
i believe
will make us more close
as it is a chemical to move our love machine...

planning-study+love

today
peggie suddenly tell me
she want planning
well
this will not be strange to me
because we really need good planning
planning of the combination of love and study
basically i got no objection
but i got some questions
is it bad thing or good?
what kind of planning?
i should consider about what?
today at cameron
my dad keep on telling me
how to choose girl friend
the thing he scare actually
forward and backward
it's all about money
he scare i being cheated
even he scare i need to take care my wife family somomore
he said
when salary only enough for my own family
i still have to spend money for my wife parents even her siblings
then how?
so he call me to find a girl
not really rich
but at least is able to ensure the family can live
without my contribution
this kind of thing
i really don't know what to answer
my family actually facing the problem
that's why my dad want me to think about it
money money money
why love must relate with money?>
everything also money
under such condition
where can i get the confidence to get couple!!!!

love is? accept or change?

i just listen some advice from my friend
i don't know it is true or not
but i thinking about it now
he got notice
me and my girlfriend
keep on changing each other
i always try to change
my habit
my behaviour
my character
she also keep on changing everything
for this relationship
my friend ask me why
i start panic
because my brain is blank
this question suddenly
hit my heart
a question
why should i change
why should she change
actually since very beginning
we should think
can we accept each other
not only at specific part
from appearance
then behaviour habit
positive thing
negative thing
all!!!
not like now
yesterday she ask me
how to be my dream girlfriend
she don't understand
actually i just want the original her
not another her
who is trying to change all
just because of me
we are human being
we cannot be perfect
love
being couple
we should understand out partner
we have to accept
have to be patient
your partner is being chosen by yourself
you love her
then only you choose her
so never want her change
as well as make sure she also can accept you
only acceptation can ensure a long lasting relationship
because
without acceptation
quarrel
unhappy
sadness
all these will follow
then it is very easy for a couple to break
bond between couple is very strong
but don't be the one who make the bond
become weaker and weaker....

good planning doesn't mean good result

we now plan all for the trip
where to go
where to live
how to go
all these suppose
an adult like me
should can handle
looks like
i always lacks of confidence
sincerely
i very nervous
these two days
i keep on sweating
for the trip
this is a very easy job
four person take train
then travel
why i can be so nervous?
i can't find an answer
is it because i too depend on family
is it because i really can't have a night outside
is it because luxury at home have lock me
is it because i scare my parent s worry or disappointed
why i got so many question in my mind
if i really can't make a simple decision
how i want to be a leader
a boss
a family head
a father
a son
even
as a student
and now coming
some more a university student
am i ready for that?
it's showtime
prove that you can do this simple job first..

heaven or devil?

jpa...
a very common name among all students
a very competitive thing among all straight A's students
now this problem fall on my girlfriend
she tell me
she didn't get jpa scholarship after appeal
should i sad?
should i happy?
well
i not so clear
because i got plenty feeling now
i happy because she got high chance to be same university with me
i happy because she still in Malaysia
i happy because she is studying matriculation which i think is a very good choice
i unhappy
because my thinking is selfish
i unhappy because i know she and her family also unhappy
they still think that get good result should get jpa
instead i have the same thinking last time
but now
my happy more than my unhappy
i understand her feeling
suppose to get
but finally empty
she get hurt much recently
first back from Japan
then can't get matrix
study form six
get physic stream(luckily now OK)
finally jpa lost
everything like wave non stop pushing towards her
i should help her
i just hope she can study matrix well
because with this
she sure can go for local university
although can't get oversea
i hope she will appreciate..
sincerely
dear..sorry for my selfish

TALKING

talking is actually a big knowledge
you will never know what have you talk
what you experience
you may not have the ability to speak it out correctly
even correct is not enough
you must able to deliver something
that is able to attract others
even that thing is a boring thing
you need to present in another active voice
for example
just now
i as an account student
my friend is a science student
but she able to describe the process
tell us that how funny is science
maybe her sentence is full of jokes
but i can see she is giving us knowledge
something that we dislike
but also interested to listen to her
she tell us in Cantonese
another girl tell us the same thing
but speak seriously
i only understand the first one
with funny content
so this is we have to learn
always be listener
you will get more
just a very simple thing
may bring huge effect
talking is a very deep knowledge
there are millions of speaking style in this world
you want to be the special one
first to listen
then find out your own style
by the way identify your audience
your listener
talk according to situation
talking is not that simple
even
we can call talking as
multi direction voice transfer
means we talk
we learn
not we talk we listen
so
please learn how to talk...

finishing of war...

just now a problem occur
there is an error between us
an error that make me quite mind
quite hard feeling
but now the war is over..
everything like over
but the ash
the bone
the flash
has became history
that stick with the book forever
today she suddenly say her eye can't see
a feeling that
wish to help but can't..
so struggling
socialise is like website
got many tabs can be open
but must set one homepage
that homepage is the most important
but
i will never neglect the tabs
they are also essential
essential to broader my mind
to give me helping hand
i always think
this flower
is it i really seldom water it?
should i put more nutrient?
because it always drop leaf
this is very bad
i can't accept
it is very complicated
temporarily
i just face it calmly
think optimistic
always remember
happy is created by yourself
not others contribute for you...

confusing day

today i really feel very happy
i can go out with peggie..
when she kiss my chick
i feel very nice..
i think this will be a fabulous night...but...
when i reach home...
my mom keep on murmuring me
she even check my thing without my permission...
well..
then she ask where my 200 ringgit go...
that one i early at college already got tell her i take money
she never trust me
i feel very suffer..
she even say she is my mom..
the one who grow me up with money
she can know everything about me
can check me..
no need respect
i am the one who need to respect her only...
what reason is that
she still i 13 or 14 years old
ya definitely i not old
but i also consider at more than 18
got own thinking
she cannot always think that
i am a child
must under control
she at least have to understand what is the freedom for me
dear..i hope you will not mind i sleep early tonight..
i know you sure understand me...

dear..congrats...

jing...you can...finally you get it
i really proud of you...
you study for two weeks form six
you keep on nervous
some more need to work
really worry me
now you are free..
matriculation will be the best way for you..
I'm sure...
Monday is the day you register...
these day we must appreciate the time together...
i sure will miss you...
start study there may be suffer..
you must get use of it..k?
nothing is impossible...
today is really a red letter day for me...
i get four flat for my pspm..
my pei jing also get matrix...
i really too happy...
now i know she also very happy...
well...
really congratulation..
i know you want to take psychology...
i know you can achieve your goal...
good luck..my dear..

BACK FROM HONG KONG..

Finally i come back
this time i go hong kong really learns a lot
i meet with many type of people...
a very nice grandma with modern thinking...
two clever sales...
one group of noisy hawker...haha...
one group of fishmonger...
this is a mix group...
the grandma actually
at the beginning..
i really don't like her..
she bring wrongly the passport and need the whole team to wait for her...
but after she join back,..
i realise she can face problem well...
when back that time..
luggage got problem...she say don't talk so much
we not really know wat happen so don't say too much...
well..this is the correct way to handle problem..
the sales got two guys...
one is singapore towel salesman..
i think he earns a lot
he can speak well..
he got tell me...
enough study or not
not important..
most important come out work must think far...
but not too far..
moderate...
another guy is car sales..
he stop study after form five and staright away work...
he say although now his financial is ok..
he still think lacks something...
education...
but for me
eventhough we come out from university..
we still need to learn from them
because experience is more valueable than wht you learn from book
that's why university wants to extend practical...
i go hong kong, shen zhen guang zhou,zhu hai, and macau...
the richest place well must be hong kong..
eat one bowl of mee also rm20...
somemore at roadside stall...
at shenzhen it is much more cheaper and also more tasty....
haha...but hong kong dim sum really nice...
disneyland is one of the best place...
i like that place...
got chance i must go with pei jing...hehe...
when back that time...
i met with the youth minister malaysia
he come china to watch the sudiman cup...
well..my dad caht a lot with him...
i didn't aspect a minister can take flight alone..
somemore is air asia...
i think minister should take malaysia airline first class..
well..he really thinks rationally...
i like this trip...it's really nice...

worry..

just now i message my friend
i really scared Peggie will jealous again
actually
i don't know why
every time she don't want reply me
my heartbeat very fast
i got no mood to do things
i can't lose her now
maybe like Chinese idiom
hero can't skip from pretties trick..haha
laugh out loud..
Peggie got ask me
is it she control me too much
i think yes
but i don't it's a bad sign
it can be considered
good
at least i can know
she always care of me
i think i have to love and care her more
well...
i not romantic at all
this is what she know
everybody know
but at least she can accept
i must be more romantic
now she like a rewards for me
from the god
i will appreciate her
dear...
daily 10 pm onwards
I'll remember...

she remind me..

she remind me of many thing
Peggie is good
i think I am the one who not good
i not enough confident let her feel that i like not care of her
i got promise her many things
always tell her the truth
always no secret
don't neglect her to accompany my friends
always take initiative...
i remember de...
I'll trying my best to do it now
i just need time
i sincerely admit i really a newbie
in love
in coupling
but i really will adapt to it
last time
i am innocent to think that
when i couple i still
can like others
always with friends
as well as with my girlfriend
now i know it's impossible..
it doesn't mean that Peggie
control me too tight
until i can't breathe
but i know she got a limit
she still will give me freedom
just all these can't
simply say give then give
i have to take responsible
being a man
boyfriend to her
and always remember
i not single
any thinking should involve her...

thinking......

yesterday night i think we talk a lot
i keep on thinking how this Saturday
how to go out if she really can't
i say never mind
she say she will mind
although i really eager to go with her
but if need to force
it's not a good thing
moreover
i still got no idea
how
how to plan that day
i just keep on thinking all that
old style method
ha ha
stupid me
today i go up the tuition centre
and meet a guy
he keep on saying his skill come from work
i appreciate de
is his one sentence
one guy learn swimming from book
one guy learn from book and also do real practise
who will be better?
haha
i definitely understand what he want to mean
study accountancy why can't be management?
there are a lot of CEO even a good manger
is accountant last time
study accounting may be need longer time
but i think it's worth
i just need to make clearly about one point
not only business student can be good management
accountant not only need to calculate
but also need to communicate socialise
having the same routine with business gang
this is my opinion...
well
i know j must support me..

very fast..

me and j
well
it is too fast
i have to admit that i always lacks of one thing
CONFIDENT..
this time looks like a good start but who knows
this will be a night mare
once i ake up one day
suddenly all will disappear..
he mom didn't give her pocket money
life for her is like very suffer
sincerely i can't understand why a mother don't want to give
her daughter pocket money
already 18 somemore
i feel her sadness
i think she is worrying about money problem
just now accidentally touch with money this sensitive issue
i know she very mind i say like that
well
i just promise
i wouldn't do it again..
actually i also jobless
i still a student
i also use my parents money
i can't imagine one day i without money
j now i think she can't even solve meal problem...
in long term...
no wonder she want to work...
i listen she only eat bread
i got a hard feeling
i am failed
why i can't even buy food for her?
i really scared
that time i was having dinner with my parents
i can't go out
but while i am enjoying my dinner..
she just eating bread..
am i bad?
i think so....
i hope she will not read this because
i don't want her to know my personality
which is so bad..
i am very stingy
i never buy things
i never spend my own money
seldom
that's why i seldom go shopping..
go shopping complex is just window mode
i feel myself very lucky
can know her
i finally understand different family got their own problem
that day her mom forget buy food for her
then she like dislike her mother like that
her mother somemore go say something bad with her grandma
all these have create a war among them
maybe i really too stupid
i don't understand why she can quarrel until like that
as i think is small matter..
but for her is a big matter
i need time to understand her
hope so my effort will bring back profit even revenue
people say u put seed sure can get flower
but without the essential watering process..
the flower takes a long time to grow...
i want to add more water..
just for j..

why?

why mo mom is different with others?
i can't deny that everyone got their own characteristics
but should at least have to change their bad characteristics?
we have planned to have a trip to hong kong
within this month...
last week we book the tour
but then just after that
the H1N1 flu exist
this is not my fault
is it?
definitely after matrix
i just want to have a trip outside
why she keep on scolding me to choose time like that to go travel?
keep asking me why not choose end year?
don't she know that that time I'll having my university lesson
she keep on asking me end year is there any holiday
but she should understand now i not yet get any offer
every university have their own system
Holiday is different
where can i find an answer for her?
she even say i don't border her
don't tell her the timetable
until now she book a flu trip
waste her money and time
it's all my fault
i really fade up with all these
this is who she is
i really don't understand
what is he thinking about
every time
every morning
when we go out for breakfast
we will ask her where to go
but she will just keep quiet
and then when dad want to bring us to that place to have breakfast
she will say why come to such place
is it women is like that
my dad is considered tolerate to her
sorry for saying that
i am not filial
because i do scold her behavior
because i don't think so she is doing the right thing.
mom, i hope one day later
you can change.

first step...

well.today i have done it
what?
i dare to buy a ticket without telling my parents
they didn't say anything
but i think they feel down
yesterday night my mom
like want to say something but not that direct
as i know
recently there are flu around the world
i know she worry
if i do go kl alone
she scare may get the flu easily
since she think that home i the best location to protect the whole family.
but then i bought it..
although i don't it is what seat
I'll go tomorrow..
by the way
i think i need to call the service center
because i don't know
this train seat is it with air cond or not
oh my god
please don't tell me
i have to spend several hours with polluted air
ten ringgit seat to buy an experience
i think it worth.

Go or NoT go? p:)

i plan to go kl next Tuesday 28th April
this is my first time to kl alone
i know this should be no problem
just go the train counter
and say
uncle ,i want a ticket to kepong central..
but don't know why
i got a feeling very weird
want to go or not
keep on asking myself
it automatically appear in my mind
i start to think is it i really not enough independent?
i think so
in fact i need to go on Tuesday
i got no choice
because i have promise my friends
i should not have any problems with that
i already 19
i think it is considered not teenager anymore
i am adult
i should can make decision
but i am that kind of person
can't make decision
from that time choose matriculation
want accounting or science?
until go in study..
want usm or not?
should i take the test?
all these have to depend on my parents
my friend siew chong have applied for usm
but he is so confident with himself
then he decide not to take the test
but i just like a children under my mother's skirt
need to ask
need my parents
need my cousin
need opinion from everyone
finally also i can't make the decision
until my dad make a decision
call me don't go for the test
then only i can decide what to do
this is very bad
i want to take accounting or business course
but as we know
next time when we come out
we are the team
we are the one who
need to take the post to manage the whole company
even a small unit or department
all needs decision
if i continue to be like that
who will i be next time?
this is a very simple need to success in business.
i don't know the answer,
because i still can't make decision.
all these, i think
i got no confidence.
hope so time will change somebody
as well as bring me up
always believe in myself
with certain limit,
at least able to make simple decision.

you are the door for my future pathway

one year time is just like a blink of eyes, i left my college.
initially when i was chosen for the programme,
i am so happy until i can't sleep
because my result was not that good..
when i move in to study,
i face problems.
my friends inside are all very excellent and intelligent,
they are cope with their studies,
but i am vice verse.
i can't follow the syllabus
especially economics..
i choose arts
because i got interest with it
but then i realise interest not necessary equal to ability.
during the end of semester one lecturer arrange poor student to another room
for special teaching
i am the only non bumi being chosen
well,that time
it's really a hard feeling.
fortunately, i got many friends around me
we not only classmate
we not only normal friends
we even roommates
and also like brothers
matriculation is a very good programme,
although i can't get four flat,
i know many people
no wonder girls or boys
i appreciate that
from the day i step out of kmpk,
i look back,
i see everything
every building
every smiling
when we are enjoying
when we are playing
lecturer
even auntie cleaner...
suddenly all playback in my mind
I'll always u
my dear college..
kmpk
08/09